So, the state of California has decided that the eternal enemy of humanity is called gluten and that anyone looking to live happily and bloat-free ever after must stop consuming gluten immediately. Are you ready for this?
For the uninitiated, gluten is a protein composite found in foods processed from wheat and related grain species, including barley and rye. Or so knows Wikipedia. Now, there are those that actually suffer from celiac disease and are intolerant to gluten. But this is not what this is about, people.
The truth is this: After years of living fat-free, sugar-free, high-fructose-corn-syrup-free, lactose-free and organic, California is ready for the next big thing in foodie evangelism. New York clearly isn’t getting it, and is getting in line for Cronuts instead, that pastry-du-jour love child of a croissant and a doughnut. At which point every European asks, “But why would anyone want a croissant with a whole in the middle?” At which point I say, “I have no clue, but this is the most powerful nation on planet Earth, so stop wondering, fly to New York, and get in line.”
Which, I wouldn’t actually say though obviously, because Cronuts are gluten-loaded and that’s not ok. Which in turn makes me think that I should probably invent the gluten-free Cronut and become a billionaire. Until then, I advise you to grab one of those gluten-free cookies sitting on every San Fran hipster coffee shop checkout counter and get your fix of sugary, fat, gluten-free deliciousness.
Part of me wants to embrace the craze and become a better, healthier, kinder human being in the meanwhile. In that spirit I even bought a loaf of gluten-freaky bread at Mariposa the other day, which tasted surprisingly delicious. And even though they actually offer such a thing as gluten-free challah (no, really), the larger part of me wants to just eat that totally normal, toasted challah depicted above, topped with Californian avocado, Californian goat cheese from the guy on the Farmer’s Market who owns 100 goats, and Californian walnuts. I guess that’s as Californian as I will get for now, and that gluten-free won’t happen for me after all. Gluten, let’s be friends.